I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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