I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
