did you get engaged???
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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