there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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