I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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