We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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