I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
