Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
