so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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