1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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