I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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