Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize