I am spending my child support on dildos
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
