I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
