So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
