just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
