I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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