i jhust puked up my retainher.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
