I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
