am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
