Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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