meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
