I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
