is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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