Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
