I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
