all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
