I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
