i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize