I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
