Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How naked do you want me to be?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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