Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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