Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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