You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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