the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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