whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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