peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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