My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
