If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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