Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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