I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
