woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm both gender and math confused
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
