you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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