My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
