I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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