What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
