I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
