he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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