if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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