It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
