Apparently you make a good broom.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
