It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
