he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
