Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
