you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
