The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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