Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
