nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
