More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
