i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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