I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
