Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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