Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Alive.
So much puke
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
