dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
