I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
