Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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