I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
