At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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