this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
