I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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