im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
