Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize