it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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