my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
