When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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