I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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