found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
