I just threw up on my dentist
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
