I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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