my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
